Matter of Trust
by A Rogue Slayer
Summary: One shot of Spuffiness in Season 7. Spike and Buffy reminisce about their past. Can there be hope for the future?


Summary: Season 7 Spuffy one shot. Semi-song fic. If you don't know Don Henley's Boys of Summer and Billy Joel's Matter of Trust, it might not mean much to you. And if you don't know who Don and Billy are, you're gonna make me feel really old...  
  
Disclaimers: I don't get any money from the music I quote. I also own neither hide nor hair of any Buffy characters. Though when I saw Joss at the San Diego Comic Convention, I did ask him if I could play with Spike for my own wicked means. But apparently he still has plans for him in LA, which is good, cuz I live in LA! He did say I could have Kennedy and the other SITs...I politely declined.  
  
Feedback is so very craved.  
  
**  
  
"Xander, we never had a song!" Anya slapped Xander on the arm.  
  
"Huh?" Xander looked at her in confusion.  
  
"When we were a couple, we never picked out a song that was just 'us'. Why didn't you tell me we were supposed to do that?"  
  
"Um, well.....I didn't know we were supposed to."  
  
"Well, Kennedy and Willow have that 'Come to my Window' song that they play all the time. We didn't have a song."  
  
Xander looked around the living room, in search of some distraction for Anya. "Don't worry, Anya. I never had a song with any of my boyfriends either." Buffy shrugged.  
  
"Really? Not even Angel?" Anya sat forward in curiosity.  
  
"Nah. I mean, there were plenty of songs that made me think of him, but nothing that was 'us'."  
  
"Like what? What kinds of songs made you think of him?"  
  
Spike snorted from his spot by the fireplace. "'Wind Beneath my Wings?'"  
  
Buffy turned to him and smiled sweetly. "No, dear, that was *our* song." She stuck her tongue out at him. He chuckled. "Um, songs like.....I don't know.....'I Will Always Love You.' Ya know, sappy stuff."  
  
Spike groaned. "Women....."  
  
Anya smacked Xander again. "We're going to find 'our' song. Right now. Come on." She pulled him up and walked over to Buffy's stereo.  
  
"Um, Ahn, we're kinda broken up now. Having a song is a bit pointless."  
  
"I don't care. Xander Harris, you denied me the typical conventions of a relationship too many times, now it's time to make amends. I don't care if we actually *have* a relationship now or not."  
  
Buffy started toward the kitchen. "Well, I don't think I want to witness this."  
  
Spike followed her. "Yeah, second that....."  
  
Buffy opened the refrigerator to get a soda. Spike went out to the porch to smoke. After a moment of considering, Buffy joined him on the steps.  
  
They sat for a moment in silence, just enjoying each other's presence. Then, Buffy poked Spike in the arm. "Just what's wrong with my sappy songs?" she teased.  
  
Spike shook his head. "Not enough time to tell you, pet. And I'm pretty much gonna live forever."  
  
"Oh, the confidence." Buffy joked.  
  
Spike shrugged. "I figure until you decide to stake me once and for all, I'll be around."  
  
"You tease me about my music choices, that might be sooner rather than later."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Oh, I suppose you could do better? What song would you give for you and Dru? I mean, I could give some helpful suggestions, but I don't think you'd appreciate them."  
  
Spike smirked. "Oh, I could do better. Not for me and Dru, though. She never had much interest in pop culture. But I can think of a thing or two for us."  
  
Buffy looked at him, surprised. "Us? As in you and me? Is there a song called 'Please Stop This Train Wreck Before We Both Drive Each Other Mad?'"  
  
Spike chuckled. "Boys of Summer."  
  
Buffy frowned. "Huh?"  
  
"Don Henley? Don't tell me you don't know it." Spike sang quietly, "I can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun....."  
  
"OH, wait, no, yeah, I do. I know that." She paused for a moment, then her eyes got wide. "You think I'm a ho? Sleeping with all the 'boys of summer?'!?"  
  
Spike shook his head and laughed. "No, more like 'I never will forget those nights. I wonder if it was a dream. Remember how you made me crazy? Remember how I made you scream? Now I don't understand what happened to our love'.....'Course, it wasn't love, but still.....the rest applies....." Spike looked down, suddenly a bit sad.  
  
Buffy smiled, then frowned. "You gonna get me back? Show me what you're made of?"  
  
Spike clenched his jaw for a moment, then said quietly, "A little voice inside my head said, 'Don't look back. You can never look back.' I thought I knew what love was, what did I know? Those days are gone forever. I should just let them go....."  
  
Buffy turned to him when he stopped. "Isn't there a 'but' after that?"  
  
Spike sighed. "Not for us, I think. Train wreck and all..."  
  
Buffy nodded. "You're probably right. But that's the way we were. Not how we are now."  
  
"True, but we're not a couple now. Never really were, truth be told. No matter how much I tried to make it otherwise."  
  
Buffy shrugged. She hesitated for a moment before saying quietly, "But it's better now, you know? When we were...together...we never just talked. We used to sit out here on the porch and talk before we decided to get horizontal."  
  
Spike chuckled. "Be honest, luv. We were vertical at least as much as we were horizontal. Then you have that whole diagonal thing..."  
  
Buffy winced. "Ow, don't remind me. Whose bright idea was *that* anyway?"  
  
"Hmm, I think it was yours. Yeah, definitely yours. Guess you over- estimated Slayer and vamp agility with that one...not pretty..."  
  
"No, it really wasn't. But...well, sometimes it wasn't as bad as I make it out to be. A lot of it was nice. Well, mind-blowing, to be honest. But still...not really good when you come down to it."  
  
Spike shook his head and chuckled. "Why do I feel like Angel all of a sudden? Sleep with you, get my world turned upside down, do something monumentally...abhorrent, then get a soul. Let me tell you, pet, you do a number on your men."  
  
Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's a gift, I think. That and driving men away. Every man I've been with left me. But you...you're the only one who came back." Buffy turned to look at Spike. He felt her gaze and looked at her. "Why did you come back? I mean, you got a soul for me. Why did you come back if you weren't going to try and...start things up with me again? I mean, Angel stays away because he wants me to have a normal life and well, the whole happiness thing..."  
  
Spike shrugged, then looked away. "Guess I'm not as selfless as Peaches." He paused for a moment before turning again to Buffy. "You know, I left for my soul thinking you could love me. I returned hoping you could just trust me."  
  
She turned to him. "I do, Spike. I trust you. It took a while, but it's there."  
  
Spike smiled a bit and nodded. "I remember you told me...before...you could never trust me enough to love me. And now, I gotta tell you pet, I'm surprised you trust me enough to let me be in Sunnydale, much less your own home."  
  
Buffy put her hand on Spike's arm. "I trust you much more than that."  
  
Just then, Xander burst out on the porch. "That's it. The woman is insane! She thinks 'Your Cheating Heart' is an appropriate couple song. I tried to explain to her that I never cheated on her, then she goes on about how it's the principle of the betrayal and..oh man, I can't take it anymore."  
  
Buffy and Spike looked up at Xander, then at each other. Then the laughter came. Xander scowled for a moment before joining them.  
  
Buffy stood up and put her arm around Xander. "Come on, Xan, the girls will be back from dinner soon. Maybe we can distract Anya with putting her in charge of sleeping arrangements for the week." As they went into the house, Buffy looked back at Spike, still sitting on the porch. She gave him a little wink, and he smiled at her.  
  
**  
  
Just as Buffy was finally able to collapse into bed, she heard a knock at her door. "Oh, come on. Buffy sleepy..." She grudgingly got up and opened the door, to find no one. She frowned and looked down the hall. She caught a glimpse of something at her feet. She bent down to pick up a walkman and a note. The note simply read: 'Thank you', in handwriting so messy she knew it belonged only to one person. She smiled as she shut the door. She put on the headphones and pushed the play button.  
  
Buffy laid down and fell asleep to the music, never losing her smile.  
  
Some love is just a lie of the heart  
  
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start  
  
And they may not want it to end  
  
But it will it's just a question of when  
  
I've lived long enough to have learned  
  
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned  
  
But that won't happen to us  
  
Because it's always been a matter of trust  
  
I know you're an emotional girl  
  
It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world  
  
I can't offer you proof  
  
But you're going to face a moment of truth  
  
It's hard when you're always afraid  
  
You just recover when another belief is betrayed  
  
So break my heart of you must  
  
It's a matter of trust  
  
You can't go the distance  
  
With too much resistance  
  
I know you have doubts  
  
But for God's sake don't shut me out  
  
This time you've got nothing to lose  
  
You can take it, you can leave it  
  
Whatever you choose  
  
I won't hold back anything  
  
And I'll walk a way a fool or a king  
  
Some love is just a lie of the mind  
  
It's make believe until its only a matter of time  
  
And some might have learned to adjust  
  
But then it never was a matter of trust  
  
I'm sure you're aware love  
  
We've both had our share of  
  
Believing too long  
  
When the whole situation was wrong  
  
Some love is just a lie of the soul  
  
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control  
  
After you've heard lie upon lie  
  
There can hardly be a question of why  
  
Some love is just a lie of the heart  
  
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start  
  
But that can't happen to us  
  
Because it's always been a matter of trust  
  
**  
  
Well, just another little one shot, and I usually am not crazy about 'song fics,' but I heard both these songs recently and they made me think of Spuffy. I know, I need a life..But do R&R me anyway. 


End file.
